I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
