I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
