im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
