this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
