she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
