it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
