you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
should my penis look like a turkey
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
