i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
