I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
