I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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