Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
