birth control should be required to get into college
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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