i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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