Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
