Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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