You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
