god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
