I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
