i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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