his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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