chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
