It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
