I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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