I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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