You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
