i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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