im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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