I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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