3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
