so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
