sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
