By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
