shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
