Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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