okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
