Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
