Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
