i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
