Umm I'm too high to move.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
