I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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