My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
