The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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