There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
