I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
