An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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