everyone is single if you try hard enough
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
