Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
