after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
