I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
