Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
