there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
