I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
