the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
