I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
