eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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